.all falls.
5:22 p.m. || 2005-02-16
[mood: thoughtful 
]
[music: 
]
There are flowers that are growing on the tall trees by the entrance of the open air parking lot under my block. The flowers are white and large and beautiful. They have been growing for the past seventeen years of my life.
I only knew about them yesterday, and my mom was the one who pointed it out in the first place.
There are alot people like that. There are people who have been by your side somewhere in your life, but you never notice them. Like the uncle in the provision shop who I always take the time to say, "Hello," to when I drop by to get myself a new carton of Apple Aloe Vera juice from the store. I don't quite know what I'd do without his help. I hope everyone takes their time to notice some people who's been around awhile.
My grandmother is already 80 this year, and I only realised on Chinese New Year's Day. Which then lead to this great urge to want to spend as much time with her as I can, because I've been told that it's by God's Grace that you live after the age of 70. Alot of other things hit me at the same time and I usually get very tired thinking of all the things I don't want to think about but think about them anyway.
Like the end of the world. It's going to happen soon. It's going to make the fear climb up my throat.
I also just found out POTC 2 is going to be called Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest, and its release date has been shifted from this year to next year.
And listening to Kanye West really does makes me wonder when he says,
So here go my single dawg radio needs this
They said you can rap anything except for Jesus
That means guns, sex, lies, videotape
But if I talk about God my record won't get played
~"Jesus Walks"
because anything that's got the word "God" in it seems to really never play on radio.
He is the first rapper I've ever heard speak so well of Jesus. Most of them are just bitter. He's inspirational like that. Even if it isn't playing in Singapore, I hope they're blaring this new single on the airwaves in the US.
By the way, I bought Kanye West's album only after I heard him perform Jesus Walks on the Grammys and listened to his admirable speech when he got the Best Rap album, surprisingly optimistic and unaffected by Maroon 5's win in the Best New Artist category. Respectable, that man is.
I really hope I can grow in faith. I need as much as I can. I know I'm no evangelism machine, but I'm certainly no Constantine either. There is faith, I'm just afraid there's not enough.
In the meantime, I'll just give thanks to God for people around me. I'll only ask him not for wealth, or my happiness, or affairs of the heart, I'll only ask him to put faith in the faithless.
Like dad.
Update
What my heart feels is a swarm of mixing emotion as acoustic strokes my eardrums and bass pumps a head-bopping beat all the way into my lungs. I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with my mode of thinking.
Life is, after all, what you make it.
No. A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody! ~Buffy, "I Only Have Eyes For You"
